Keep Me Where the Light Is

In light of recent events in my life, I have been doing a lot of thinking about darkness. . . hah, started this post off with an unintended pun.

In our home we have a picture of a ship's wheel with a verse underneath it. The picture isn't my favorite. To be honest, it was one the things that Derek owned when we got married and he wanted to keep it and I didn't. So, naturally, it hangs in my bathroom. (That right there says a lot about me as a wife, huh?)

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked again. Under the wheel is this verse: "I will guide you. I will turn darkness into light before you and make the rough places smooth." - Isaiah 42:16
I've read this verse so many times while using the restroom. (I doubt Isaiah had that picture in mind when the Lord revealed to him these words.)

"I will TURN darkness into light." Think about that for a moment. I've been thinking about that a lot this week. You see, there is a very dark and heavy something on my heart. Something very specific that I am not at liberty to talk about (that whole not exploiting those I love thing) and it has caused me to really consider this verse.

At first I thought the dark and heaviness on my heart was there as a result of someone else's actions. Someone did or is doing something that caused me great sorrow. And in the middle of my flailing about in the dark, throwing a fit, and crying out to the Lord about it, it hit me (God hit me): The darkness was there because I was allowing it to be.

You see, friends, Jesus is the light (see John 8:12). And since Jesus lives inside of me, the light lives inside of me, meaning I am also the light. What is darkness? The absence of light. Where Jesus is, there is no darkness. That is how God "turns darkness into light." Therefore, where I am, there is no darkness (as long as I am allowing the light inside of me to shine). This may sound super cheese-ball to you, but it is actually quite freeing when you begin to live in it.

No matter where I go or what I do (or what others do, for that matter), I am not to be afraid of the darkness because I am the light. The dark circumstances do not change, but my focus does. Instead of keeping my eyes, heart, and attention on all the dark around, I have the FREEDOM to CHOOSE to keep my eyes, heart, mind, soul and attention on the light within me. That's where I want to be. That's how this world and even those I love have no power over me. Or better, over the Christ within me.

When you are in the dark, the light is annoying as hell (but that's a totally different post). But when you are in the light, you recognize the beauty of the light. It is warm. It is liberating. It is necessary, like air.


My husband realized this paradigm long before I did. I have had glimpses of it but I'm a slow learner. . . I have to relearn things over and over again. And thankfully, God is my patient teacher.

Unlike myself, Derek is a quick learner. He is a principles guy. He is also a writer. I'd call myself a rambler or really good bullshitter. Derek, on the other hand, has a beautiful gift. God gives him songs and other writings that sometimes never turn into songs, but they are beautiful nonetheless. His words are lovely and deep and it is one of the things I adore most about my man (and watching God bless others through this gift). Below you will find one of these writings and I believe it says so eloquently all of the mess I've been trying to say this whole post. He wrote it in 2010ish. I hope it blesses your heart because I know it has mine.


"So charge into the black
Plunge into the deepest darkness
For its only weapon against you is uncertainty that is, in fact, a lie
For the name inscribed on your chest is a certainty
The certainty that is truth regardless of perception
The truth is that this and all darkness is no match for the light that rest in your heart.
And it will burst forth in exactly the right time
You have no responsibility to produce the light that shatters the darkness
Only, as it gives you the life to do so,
To carry it."
-Derek Lehman

(picture taken by Jeff Reed)