Mercedes Convertible Lady

They say you can tell a lot about a person by their car. I drive a used Honda, CRV. I'll tell you what I think that says about me: Used because I cannot afford a brand new car and used because I don't want to throw away thousands of dollars the second I drive a new car off the lot (just my personal preference/belief). Honda? Because I have experience with Hondas and my experience shows me that they are reliable. CRV? Because I have 2 small children and wanted a little more space for their car seats and other accessories but did not want to drive a "boat" like a Pilot or a larger SUV. Why not? I am more comfortable in smaller vehicles and I also don't want to spend a lot of money on gas.

The other day I was running late (this is common). I had just dropped the girls off and was on my way to work. I was going through a neighborhood, towards the highway when out pulls this lady in her Mercedes convertible. She pulled right out in front of me and then slowed down. She was driving all of 10 miles UNDER the speed limit. She was NOT in a hurry. I was. And the entire time I was stuck behind her, I got more and more anxious and agitated. I also got more and more judgmental. These were some of my thoughts:

Hurry lady! I got places to be! Not all of us have the luxury of taking our time!!. . . Not all of us have the luxury of driving a Mercedes!. . . Some of us actually have jobs and don't get to dilly dally through life! . . .Look at her stupid blonde hair blowing in the wind. I bet that's not her real hair color. I bet she's on her way to yoga. Sure wish I had time like that, to get my hair done and go to yoga. . . ya-da-ya-da-ya-da. . .

Ugly, huh? But it's the truth. Thoughts like that go through my mind often. And when I get really real with myself, they stem from jealousy and discontentment. I was so jealous of that lady that I knew nothing about other than that she was driving a fun car and driving it slowly. Maybe she does have a job. Maybe she worked really hard for that car. Or maybe she doesn't. Maybe it was a gift. Maybe her hair really is blonde on it's own. Or maybe it's not and she likes it that color so she pays to have it that color. Maybe she does go to yoga or maybe she hates it and doesn't. It doesn't really matter at all who she is, what she does, or how she does it. It's none of my business and shouldn't affect me. My feelings had nothing to do with this lady and everything to do with ME. The ugly in ME.

Part of this ugly just comes naturally (my innate nature). And part of this ugly comes from a culture and even the history of mankind that says "You deserve more - go get yours and knock anyone out that stands in your way!"
When did I get so wrapped up in "getting mine" or resenting others when they have what I don't? When did my heart get so full of discontentment?

This isn't a post about not wanting to be materialistic or being happy for others or living in harmony or any of that feel-good-Kumbayah-shit. Those are all good things. But this isn't about that. This is about exposing the UGLY TRUTH. The UGLY TRUTH that I, when left to my own devices, can convince myself of all sorts of lies, but they all come down to this one lie. The lie that I am missing out on ANYTHING.

This is the same lie that Adam and Eve fell for. That God was holding out on them because He didn't want them to have something that they wanted to have. That God was keeping something from them that they deserved. . . and I guess in a manner of speaking, He WAS holding out on them, and it was even something they deserved but not the way we usually mean that. He was holding out on them the pain and brokenness we receive as a natural result of not trusting Him, of not being in relationship with Him.

From this stems my jealousy, my discontentment, and ultimately, my distrust in a God who is trustworthy.

I have so much to be thankful for. My beautiful, messy family, my house that keeps the weather out, my car that works, a job that helps pay the bills, food on the table, and all the other cliche' but true things that most of us are blessed to list. But all of this FAILS in comparison to the TRUTH that I have a God who loves me and isn't keeping anything from me. A God who wanted to give me so much, that He gave me the best thing I could ever have - He gave me Himself.

That may not make my hair blow in the wind, that may not make my mornings any less rushed and it may never change some of the things in life that exhaust me. It may never change my circumstances. But it changes something more central than that - it changes my heart which then changes my attitude which then changes my perspective. It allows me the vision to see clearly that I may not have all I want, but I have all I NEED. It allows me to see the lady in her convertible for what she really is - my neighbor. Not my competition, not my enemy, and probably most appropriately, not my goal. Just my neighbor.

I may never get to own a truck that says "I'm tough" or a jeep that says "I'm adventurous" or a Prius that says "I care about the environment" or a Ferrari that says "I have lots of expendable cash" or a mini-van that says "I transport a lot of kids" or any other stereotype that we (or maybe just I) attach to vehicles, but I am OK with that (in this moment, I am CHOOSING to be OK with that).

So, to you Mercedes Convertible Lady, I am sorry for projecting my own ugly onto you. It had nothing to do with you. I am sorry for judging you and being jealous of you. I am sorry for riding your ass, glaring at you with that look that means "Can you PLEASE speed up?!". . . but seriously, next time, can you speed up a little? Because although you are my neighbor and I am trying to allow the Lord to change my heart, I still feel that you were driving annoyingly slow. . . I don't know if there is a lesson, truth or growth to be had in that, or if it's simply a fact.